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A while ago, one of my younger brothers (a VP at Qualcomm) sent me an excerpt from a body of work intended to help the Qualcomm folks deal with this hideous mob of petulant children infiltrating the workforce - The Millennials. It contains summarized descriptions of generational characteristics from the WWII era to present day. We start with The Veterans (The Greatest Generation!) and we slide slowly downhill from there with Baby Boomers, faster still with Generation X, and then we really start picking up speed to start swirling down the toilet bowl at a breakneck pace with The Millennials! Here’s the PDF - read it and weep:
http://onyxconsulting.com/docs/WorkforceGenerations.pdf
After Charles and I read this over, we exchanged a look of amazement. Here were all the observations we’d been voicing to each other regarding many of the interviews we’d conducted over the years. It also illustrated a commonality amongst the bad hires we’d made when a “true” millennial slipped into Onyx under the wire. This prompted me to learn more about this plague upon our nation. Here’s another article that accurately describes our observations of these bed-wetters:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/11/08/60minutes/main3475200.shtml
The more I learned (and confirmed), the more I realized the challenges it foretold for our own growth. The pdf from my brother attempts to focus on the positive attributes of the millennials. A 16,000 person corporation has to grimly accept that there’s no way around this generation. They absolutely can not avoid them and therefore must figure out how to make the most of things. The study makes a very transparent attempt to wrap a bow around a giant shit sandwich of useless individuals obsessed with their own short term gratification. Citing as positives, they say Millennials are “plugged-in, tech savvy, interested in meaningful work over income, hold multiple interests” blah blah blah.
I say take the damn bow off and call it like it is. Millennials are “overly fascinated with shiny things that light up and go beep, lacking survival skills due to parental “mollycoddling”, jacks of all trades but masters of none, unable to focus or complete projects from beginning to end.” In short, a generation of candy-assed wimps.
So why am I sharing this and, do I ever have anything positive to say? Well, I’m venting - come on! And yes - I do have something positive to say. I try to conserve my positive energy for my loved ones, my employees and my customers - but here goes: We are in the fortunate position of being able to refuse acceptance of this generation - for now.
Roughly one in three people we hire below the age of 26 have actually been raised properly and were telling us the truth about all of their wonderful convictions, work ethic, drive, ambition, accountability etc when we interviewed them. The other two are either fired quickly, or they manage to fool us for several months of painfully wasted time and money. The staff has actually become instrumental in helping sniff out the phonies who sneak in. Of all the resumes and interview’s we endure, I’d say (within our industry) there’s roughly one genuine, hardworking individual for every two-hundred bullshit artists I sift through. That’s better than ZERO! I have the utmost respect for the ones we have managed to find and a debt of gratitude to their families for doing a fine job of raising them. They are the reason I haven’t collapsed in a pile of despair! There is hope - and who knows, maybe this trend is largely industry specific, but somehow I doubt it. As I mentioned before, Qualcomm HAS to embrace them. Fortunately, we don’t and we won’t. THERE - there’s the positive side! Savor it.
So here at Onyx, we have resigned ourselves to the painstaking task of sifting this rubble on a non-stop basis so that we may grow our company one person at a time with the least amount of compromise possible. It is an all-consuming task. We do it relentlessly, and we do it better than our competitors - and that, my friends…….is why we are so good.
Now - I’m going to go check my blood pressure, soak my head, hug a tree or two and get ready for more interviews this week. God Bless America.
P.S. Jared Diamond is the author of one of my top 10 all time favorite books “Guns, Germs and Steel”. He wrote another book called “Collapse”. This book details how civilizations fail. It asserts the average life span of a democratized society is approximately 200 years. Clearly our Republic is more democratized with every new day. I would name the Millennials as the 80 Million horsemen of the apocalypse. Not an uplifting read, but very informative. Sunshine and lollipops for everyone!
More and more I’m being asked by mystified customers “Can you guys take care of our machines via remote access? Do you guys know how to do that?” That’s because many of our competitors are increasingly utilizing the “remote access pitch” to homogenize IT service, stuff everyone in the same box and increase profits to the detriment of the customers actual “needs” and their own sagging integrity. They’d like nothing more than to make IT service a monthly utility bill for everyone to pay, while they effortlessly stroke some keys from their office with fairly insignificant results. Now - I am certainly all for increasing profits if there’s a legitimate need, but it’s abundantly clear to me that the remote access “razzle dazzle” being foisted upon the business community is largely as unnecessary as all those movie channels you’re paying for and rarely ever watch. This scam can be likened to the used car salesman selling you the “weatherized undercoating” and is being used more and more to “wow” a largely uninformed public who are understandably susceptible to the “cool” factor of remote access.
Remote access is indeed useful, but it has it’s limitations and should be administered accordingly. We use it frequently for the majority of our clients, but turning it into a selling point and packaging it as a regularly billed premier feature of your overall service offering strikes me as dishonest and sleazy. There’s simply no substitute for a physically present human to address the majority of outsourced IT needs. Our company uses remote access to receive trouble alerts, run checks and apply a small amount of necessary updates, patches etc. We also use it to identify and assess problems prior to determining how best to solve them. It’s use is rarely significant enough to justify regular additional billing beyond our physical service visits.
I would guess the guys who sell this proverbial snake oil are likely buying their own BS about the validity of this practice. That’s certainly easier than admitting to yourself that you’re a small step away from two-bit con-man status. They will tell you that remote access is the wave of the future! But the truth is - right now remote access is little more than a ripple. IT companies are leap-frogging over each other to sell it to you. If you’re paying a monthly chunk for this service, there’s a high probability you’re wasting your companies resources. If you doubt me, ask your service provider to let you sit in on a few remote access service sessions so you can see what exactly you’re being billed for. They will almost certainly provide some convenient reason as to why they can’t make that happen. If you do manage to gain their cooperation with this, don’t settle for one viewing - that’s too easy to stage. Watch 2 or 3 in succession at their location, see the “work” being done, do the math………… and then give us a call.
Was there ever a more worthless expression of one’s passion than this mind-numbingly tired debate? Well certainly, but this one IS a doozy. I know there’s some blather I’d like to express about this topic, but it hasn’t quite congealed as of yet. One thing I can say for sure though - we don’t have ANY evangelists on our staff. At least none I know of. Sure, we have Dragon Con attending, Halo playing, garbage eating techs here - but to my knowledge none of them erupt in a sickening froth of love or vitriol for Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. We just ain’t gonna have that nonsense around here. Nosir.
If you take a look at the reviews for Onyx Consulting on Kudzu or Citysearch, you’ll see several very kind reviews and just a few “bad” reviews. This strikes me as somewhat extraordinary. I say that because I believe a higher ratio of folks express their discontent and anger than those who express their satisfaction and happiness in life. Why (I wonder aloud) is that the case? Well I, for one, am somewhat reluctant to shout it from the rooftops when I’m feeling really good or things are going my way for a couple of reasons, One - it ain’t cool to gloat. Two - a superstition that speaking of good things will cause them to disintegrate before my very eyes. Pretty crazy I suppose. Anyway - I think it’s a shame (assuming my suspicion is correct) that people are far more motivated to write a critical review than a positive review. Fortunately, these folks often write in such a way that sensible people can easily detect the personality disorder that often fuels their rants thus eliminating any credibility. It takes a REALLY horrendous experience and my certainty that I have pursued all reasonable diplomatic options before I’ll go to the lengths of writing a slamming review of anything. I may briefly fantasize about it, but I can’t remember the last time I did it in a commercial forum. So I’m keeping my eyes open for an opportunity to give kudos to someone for a job well done. It will be my puny contribution to this grave cosmic injustice. In fact - I just thought of one. Frank Bowers of Highland Hardware did an excellent job teaching a woodturning class I recently took. I left at the end of the day with a very nice contemporary hollow vessel made from a block of cherry wood. I’m off to Kudzu to give props.
Ever since my older brother bitched to me about the “no problem” thing, it’s become a contagious pet peeve that seems to spread rampantly amongst certain types of people. Allow me to explain. Marc and I really don’t like it when we thank someone for something and they reply “no problem”. Although it’s likely not intentional, listen to the voice inflection when someone responds to your thanks in this dopey manner. You may notice it sounds just ever so slightly “flip” or at a minimum, unenthusiastic and flat. I believe that’s because (whether they realize it or not) people who use this reply are (often) not truly pleased to be of service to you. They more likely feel that they’ve gone to certain lengths for you and put themselves “out” to help you. Thus the smug remark “no problem”. It suggests that helping customers (or whoever) IS frequently a problem, but hey - don’t worry, this time it’s “no problem”. Lucky for you. Aren’t you relieved to know it’s NO PROBLEM?! How about a simple gracious “You’re welcome”, “happy to do it”, “It’s my pleasure” for cryin’ out loud?! No problem is the overly self-absorbed man’s insincere response to a polite “Thank you!” And I end this ridiculous nit-picking lesson for no one by stating this final rule:
The ONLY time it’s OK to respond “no problem” is when a customer or person says something like “Gee, you really shouldn’t have gone to the trouble…….” or “I hate to be a bother…..” THEN you can and SHOULD say “It’s no bother at all” “It’s no problem - really”.
Oh yeah - one last thing. When you read this you will forever be bothered by “no problem” and you will catch yourself saying it. You will likely become highly self aware of it. See if you don’t!